"Digital Parents" Give Emotional Support Online

Jiang (left) and Pan are "digital parents"

There is a huge response on Douyin, the Chinese version of TikTok on videos of "digital parents". In one video, a middle-aged couple look into the camera and talk to their adult daughter as they visit her and bring her presents, or in another consoling a student on a failed exam, or a teenager dealing with a breakup.

For many young people in China who feel like their parents don't understand them, or are not at home much or perhaps more focused on their work than their families, these "digital parents" are surrogates or ideal versions of who they want their mothers and fathers to be.

"It's very difficult for people to get the emotional support they need, so people turn to digital platforms," said Xie Kailing, an assistant professor in international development at the University of Birmingham in an interview with Rest of World. 

Pan's daughter films the videos

"It's part of the human longing for intimacy within a hyper-individualised, hyper-competitive society."

The "digital parents" are Jiang Xiuping, 48, and husband Pan Huqian, 50, and they are parents of an influencer who sells clothes on Douyin. Once she invited her father to be on her livestream as a guest, and so many viewers commented on how the father-daughter relationship was so close. 

That sparked the idea for the daughter to create videos of her parents to speak directly to the camera as if they were addressing the viewers as their children. "We don't write any scripts," explained Pan. "We are simply recreating how we brought up our own daughter."

The family has filmed various scenarios, like going shopping in a supermarket from the point of view of a toddler, and teaching a child how to ride a bike, with the camera being shaky, as if the child was losing his or her balance.

While the couple pitches products like food, skincare products and homeware which has earned them several thousand yuan or a few hundred US dollars, it's the scenarios that have touched a nerve.

"I felt like a stray cat that got picked up and kissed," says one comment that was liked 26,000 times. "Thank you for letting me know what it's like to have a mom," said another.

Some address Pan and Jiang as "dad and mom" while calling their own parents "father- and mother-in-law". 

The couple are idealised parents to young viewers

Jiang says there are children as young as 12 years old who have reached out to the "digital parents", saying they suffer from depression.

Assistant professor Xie says many children feel they missed out, particularly those from rural families, as their underprivileged parents did not have the time or financial resources to meet their needs. There is also the additional issue of not enough mental health resources in China, and the family-oriented culture, where children are pressured to do well in life to make their parents proud and support them financially as they get older, putting more pressure on both the parents and children.

But while Pan and Jiang act like the perfect parents, their real lives were not so wonderful -- they had a wedding-planning business that was derailed when the Covid-19 pandemic hit. As a result they had to close their physical shop because they couldn't afford rent.

"People are under great pressure in this society," says Pan. "We should show more empathy to all the parents."

Indeed. While Pan and Jiang might be what young people are pining for in their parents, they should not expect their real fathers and mothers to be like these "digital parents" because it's not reality. People also need to accept their parents and their situations for what they are and make the most of it. Because in the end, everyone is human and have his or her faults.